Friday, September 20, 2013

Mommy, you smell like....

I find it funny that even though my blog address is entitled jamaicanfamilywoman.blogspot.com, I rarely write anything personal about my family, even though the initial idea was to make my posts about my family and my experiences about starting from ground zero. Well, in this post, I want to stay true to the concept and write about my darling Amaris' fascination with my scent.

Amaris is my second child and only daughter. She is a year old and even though she looks like her dad, I see my personality permeating through her. She is reserved and low key but loves one on one time with either her dad or myself. She is most comfortable around her family and becomes withdrawn and observant in groups. She also needs time to warm up to non family members. I find this so phenomenal because I am the same way. I completely relate to and understand her personality traits because she reminds me so much of myself. While this should not be shocking, it is to me because one would think that most personality traits are learnt based on observation and imitation. However, she is only a year old which in my view, isn't enough time to internalize aspects of other people's personality just yet. What is even funnier is the fact that her older brother is the opposite. He is a social butterfly that gets along with everyone and emits an overwhelming amount of energy to his surrounding no matter where he is. This is reminiscent of his dad's personality as his dad is also quite sociable. I believe that both my children are a prime example of aspects of personality resulting from genetics.

Amaris is quite attached to me, whereas her brother is more independent which may be because my daughter was breast fed for a much longer time than my son. My daughter has the potential to be away from me for a day, but becomes progressively antsy and agitated during our separation and it becomes clear that she needs to be reunited with me. My son on the other hand has no problem spending up to a week away from me whenever he goes to spend time with his grandma.

I have noticed that whenever, my daughter is ready to go to bed, she will fuss until I hold her and she is able to lay her head on my bosom as many children probably do, but it extends beyond the "pillowy" comfort that comes with resting her head on my chest. She tends bury her face in my bosom and will stick her hand in between my cleavage as she doses off to sleep. I must admit that the feeling takes some getting used to but she is so comfortable that she will fall asleep in no time.

Once she is asleep, I generally have to wait until she is in a deep sleep before I put her in her bed and retire to my bed. However, in about two hours, she will sense that I am not with her and will wake up and come to our (my husband and I) bedroom and climb into bed with us. She won't fall asleep again until her face is again buried into my bosom and her little arm is either resting on my breasts, stomach or some other warm place on my body.

During the days when she is not playing or watching t.v or looking at something educational on my laptop or smart phone, she wants to be held by me or to be lying on me or next to me, preferably with her head resting on my bosom or buried in it. She will place her head on dad's chest if she needs comforting also but only for a short time. She will eventually take off in search of me so she can rest her head on her mommy.

I am aware that this is how she arrives at her zen zone which decreases her stress levels and increases her relaxation and it helps her to bond with me. I also wonder which part of the process is most comforting to her and something tells me that it is the smell. Just the way she will press her face against my bosom trying to get a nose full of what mommy smells like. It is so adorable. Considering also that she was breast fed from birth, I can imagine that she is so used to that "mommy smell" that it is a necessity and helps to facilitate her relaxation process.

When she sleeps and I am not with her, she wakes up crying until she is beside me taking in my scent and basking in my warmth. And when I try to retire to my own bed again, she will eventually realize and request my presence beside her once again. It happens every time.

This led me to wonder what my scent must be like to her and this what I came up with...

Mommy smells like...delicious breast milk
Mommy smells like...warm pillows
Mommy smells like...sleepy time
Mommy smells like...relax time
Mommy smells like...my booboo hurting less
Mommy smells like...heaven
Mommy smells like...silk on my cheeks
Mommy smells like...comfort to my soul
Mommy smells like...I will miss you if you are not around
Mommy smells like...mommy's perfume
Mommy smells like...unconditional love
Mommy smells like...beautiful mornings and stress free evenings
Mommy smells like...forever nights
Mommy smells like...lullabies
Mommy smells like...feeling safe
Mommy smells like...the best mom in the world.

My daughter speaks in one word sentences but she doesn't need to speak for me to know this. Whenever she is resting her head on my bosom and I look into her round eyes and she gives me that smile of satisfaction, I understand every unspoken word that she tells me in that moment. In that moment when I am compelled to smile back and kiss her forehead to seal our bond. It is a pretty awesome feeling.





Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Young Love...

My 20 year old little sister who is now standing on the precipice of adulthood, and is taking adulthood by the horns, including love and relationship, recently wrote a very beautiful poem to her beau and I just had to share it. It is the type of poem that will take you back to your early adulthood years when you had little experience, a lot of expectations and your brain was swimming in emotions and hormones that got you high off being in love. I wish my sister and her wonderful boyfriend all the best.

For Amelia and Karieffe



"This Years Love"

This year's love had better last


Heaven knows it's high time


And I've been waiting on my own for too long


But when you hold me like you do


It feels so right I start to forget


How my heart gets torn and when that hurt gets thrown


Feeling like I can't go on.Turning circles time and time again


It cuts like a knife ,so deep within.

.
If you love me, got to know for sure


Cos' it takes something more this time,

 
More than sweet bitter lies,before I open up my arms and fall


Losing all control...crashing into your heart to meet Every dream inside my soul.


And then you kiss me....on that midnight street. Sweep me off my feet

Singing ain't this life so sweet...hoping


This year's love better last,So who's



to worry If our hearts get torn,When that hurt 

gets thrown

Don't you know in this life it's worth the try ....


By Amelia White

Saturday, September 7, 2013

The age of Internet Gangsters

I recently discovered that I did not need to have a YouTube account in order to comment on YouTube videos so I gave it a shot. I decided to comment on a very controversial video that had surfaced on YouTube. It was a video by the band Day Above Ground and the song is called "Asian Girlz". The video pretty much threw out all the stereotypes that ever existed about Asians in a twisted way of letting the band's adoration for Asian women be known. This was not taken well by many people of all races as many people viewed the song and video as racist despite the band's attempt to clarify that the musical production was not meant to be racist or offensive, but instead it was meant to be racy, edgy and satirical.

My take on the video was that it was blatantly stereotypical, racy and vulgar in some aspects but I could not be offended as I understood the message that they were trying to convey. They were pretty much explaining that they love Asian girls and the stereotypical associations that are attached to Asian girls. They were being absolutely ridiculous in their expression and it was pretty much successful at getting a laugh out of more liberal minded individuals.

Well, I was one of the few people that didn't view it as offensive or racist and instead viewed it more along the lines of silliness on the part of the band members. Once I made that clear on YouTube. The backlash were angry, intolerant and borderline insulting remarks from other viewers. It became increasingly clear to me that once you let your opinion be seen on YouTube and it is not the mainstream opinion, your opinion will not be respected and chances are there will be some level of internet bullying in an attempt to either get you to change your mind or just simply to make you feel bad.

The comments attached to that video became more and more racist and inappropriate. The band members were consistently being attacked while the Asian girl who was a part of the video was being rebuked and insulted for being a part of the video. I actually felt some level of sympathy for them but considering that they had not removed the video I figured that the band didn't mind the negative publicity. However, as for the rest of us who dared not agree that the video was racist, we had to deal with the angry internet mob.

I did not succumb to the internet pressures as I held firm to my stance but I found myself getting irate at how intolerant and insulting some of the comments were. Each time I told myself that I was making the last comment on the page, an outrageous comment by another person would pull me back and provoke me into responding. As much as I did not agree with majority of the comments on the site, I tried as best as possible to be respectful to others but when you are in the midst of a group of internet gangsters, It seems that "netiquette" matters not.

When one has the freedom to say exactly how they feel at the click of a button with very little consequences in reality, then virtual reality rules clearly apply. People will insult others at the drop of a hat. It gets so wild that people actually remain on the internet, specifically YouTube, for hours and hours, losing sleep going back and forth with their internet nemesis. I fell victim to that until I got a grip and realized that the whole thing was ridiculous.

I also learned that there is a term specifically used to describe the people who literally dedicated all their comments and responses to the purpose of ill intent. The term is trolling. They type the most filthy and outrageous comments you could think of hoping to cut the target down to size. It was incredible because I witnessed first hand how expressing your thoughts and opinions on a video or article could quickly escalate into an ongoing war of words, wit and insults.

This made me realize just how real internet bullying is and that we indeed live in an age of internet gangsters where average unassuming individuals who would never have the guts to argue with you face to face but feel empowered by their anonymity or their safe haven behind their computer screen will say the most hurtful and vicious of things in their attempt to bully, belittle or degrade other individuals via the internet.

I am not sure if this type of behavior or culture will change or can even be affected considering that these internet trolls are generally nameless or faceless and are armed with the knowledge that they can type whatever they want on the internet. However, I would just like to do my part in imploring people to act with civility and respect even when their are no perceived consequences because of the fact that their are so many fragile and vulnerable individuals in the world, some of which are children and you never know if your words can be the catalyst to dangerous results in the life of another.


In addition to this, we have to learn to respect other's opinions even if we do not agree with it. Too many times people forget that everyone is entitled to their opinion and are quick to try to attack the other person's intelligence, character and appearance in order to validate their own opinion. When it pertains to opinions, there is no one way of thinking. Some opinions may be lacking and some may be informative. Some opinions are so passionate they provoke a debate but regardless, it is always best to be respectful. While the internet gives us the privilege of exercising freedom of speech, each individuals ought to weigh their words carefully before posting it on a medium that is so public because the fact is, there is potential for there to be negative repercussions, the most obvious one being, hurting another person emotionally. As such, let's please use the power of the internet responsibly.


Monday, September 2, 2013

The False Identity of Hair


Firstly, let me put it out there that I have found the debate to be quite tedious and exhausting, not because of the message, but simply because many people who try to enforce the message of "hair identity" generally use a type of aggressive tactic that attempts to question and attack the self-esteem of many black women. One will hear things like, if a black woman straightens her hair or wears weave, they are reflecting a deep rooted self hatred for their black ethnicity. Or, black women are trying so hard to be white that they will change the texture of their hair or wear fake hair or extensions to hide the natural form of their hair. To be honest, I find these statements to be quite inflammatory.

 I am in complete support of the black woman parading her hair in its naturally curly or kinky form but does this give some black people the right to belittle black women who have made the personal choice not to do the same? The air of superiority and self-righteousness that sometimes follow the decision to "go natural" is so palpable sometime you can almost cut it with a pair of scissors...I mean knife.

It is yet another way, for the black community to further separate ourselves from our brothers and sisters based on superficial traits, when we already divide ourselves based on skin shades, educational status, class status and I dare say it, social groups such as fraternities and sororities. What are we doing to ourselves as a people?

I understand the idea or theory of self hatred seeming to be reflected through hair relaxers and weaves, but truly, is it really an indication that we hate our ethnicity?

Let us take a peek into history to understand how wigs and hair alterations were viewed in Egypt. According to the website http://www.reshafim.org.il/ad/egypt/index.html Ancient Egypt, both men and women would adorn themselves with wigs made from human hair and later date palm fibers, which were curled and the shape preserved by waxing. They were worn either for fashion purposes or to hide deficiencies such as bald spots. Rich women used elaborately carved combs, hairpins, razors and hand held metal mirrors and curled their hair. According to another website Facts and Details, wigs were quite popular in ancient Egypt. It also explained that a female body from a working class grave dated around 3500 B.C had evidence of hair coloring (henna) and hair weaving (locks of human hair tied to natural objects to obtain extravagant behive hairdos). They added that Egyptians added false hair to their own as a way of adding length to their hair.

Many African tribes are known for also adorning their hair with fixtures and extensions that range from animal hair, cloth-like material and even plastic hair as in the case of the Himba people living in Northern Namibia.

What am I trying to say? Are we harder on our modern day black women who might be guilty of simply trying to adorn herself with extensions, braids, wigs? Are we harshly judging our black women who are choosing alternative ways of beautifying themselves? Or are we in a perpetual state of denial as it relates to our "hair identity"?

This brings me to my next point, the concept of beauty. As a Black woman myself, I can definitely relate to the idea that Black women were systematically brainwashed in terms of concepts of beauty. We are bombarded everyday with the Eurocentric ideals of beauty which is normally associated with straight or wavy hair, blue or green eyes, lighter skin color and other Eurocentric features. However, are we overlooking a very vital point? There are black or dark people that also share some of these features! Let's take for example, the indigenous people of Australia who are dark skinned with straight hair. There are also the indigenous people of the Solomon Island that have naturally blonde hair. Let us also assess the fact that not all Caucasian or European individuals fit the blonde straight hair blue eyes standard of ethnicity. Many of them are also naturally endowed with full lips, kinky hair and dark brown eyes which speaks a lot about genes and genetic mutation. With these genetic occurrences, we need to acknowledge that our "black and white" (no pun intended) way of thinking is not adequate.





Therefore, if particular genes pertaining to hair texture or eye color can be identified in more than one race, it is evident that certain physical human characteristics is not restricted to a particular ethnicity. As such, the question then becomes, do people try to look like a particular race or are they simply subscribing to their personal concept of beauty?

Caucasian women that tan, black women that straighten their hair and Asian women that change their facial bone structure are all ascribing to achieve a look that they deem as beautiful. This phenomenon of women altering physical features is widespread among many ethnicity. Even in the renaissance era, women would paint their face, neck and cleavage white with white lead because they believed that it was beautiful. Should this be seen as hatred for one's race or even self?

However, not to stray from the topic at hand. Is it fair to actually purport that Black women that straighten their hair or wear wigs and extensions are actually suffering from the illness of self-hatred and are desperately trying to identify with the Caucasians? I believe that attempting to identify racial self-hatred through some behavioral patterns can be dangerous because some behavioral patterns can be a "false sign" of such a phenomenon. There are obvious signs and subtle signs of racial self-hatred but I believe that "hair" tends to be the "scape goat" . I believe that  certain signs need to be examined carefully before they are identified conclusively as signs of self hatred on a racial level.

 I find it ironic that some sisters who go natural, will sometimes color their hair, texturize their hair or occasionally straighten their hair but look down on another sister who decides to permanently straighten their hair or wear wigs and extensions because their hair is fake or altered. There is a level of absurdity that comes with that form of thinking because whether one slightly or completely alter the texture or color of their hair, the point is it has been altered.

The reasons any woman of any race would alter the texture of their hair are plenty. The reasons a black woman would alter the texture of her hair or wear wigs and extensions are also abundant. However, the main reason that is cited for a black woman doing this is because she hates herself and her race and is trying to be Caucasian due to her "identity crises."  Again, I can't stress enough just how offensive such a statement is and it almost works as a self fulfilling prophecy because if you say it enough people will start believing it. The fact is, it is only one reason and may not be the main reason either. Other reasons black women alter their hair and wears wigs and extensions are:

Texturizing and or relaxing their naturally curly or kinky hair makes it more easily manageable. Many black women have very thick curly or kinky hair that gets tangled easily and is quite hard to manage on a daily basis, so they do this to make it less of a hassle as in my case. There are many suggestions to help manage curly or kinky hair in it's natural form and some women have the time and patience while others do not and chose to texturize or relax.

Some women believe that texturizing or relaxing their hair will allow their hair to grow longer and faster.

Some black women believe that their hair looks beautiful in a straight form but are not necessarily trying to have a Eurocentric appeal. It is simply another hairstyle or way of wearing their hair.

Some black women wear wigs and extensions to give their own hair a break from the every day stress and hassle of combing, heating and other external elements that damages the hair.

Some black women wear extensions and wigs because they suffer from hair loss due to illnesses or treatment of illnesses such as chemotherapy, or even due to freak accidents such as fire and acid burns.

Some women, are probably too tired or overwhelmed (others might be too lazy) to fuss with their own hair on a daily basis and chose the alternative of wigs and extensions to make hair management easier.

Other women like to wear wigs and extensions because they believe that it is fashionable, beautiful and enhances their own beauty and, again are not necessarily trying to have a Eurocentric appeal.

I believe that how ever a person decides to wear their hair is a personal choice. A hair style can be used to make a personal statement, political statement, a religious statement and a fashion statement. Whatever statement a person wants to make with their hair is a personal choice and should not be a premise for judgement or attacks. I personally do not believe that hair is a mark of identity but only one of the many physical feature that is a part of the human body. It is one of the things on our body that practically regenerates itself at varying rates under normal conditions and can be altered to express a person's creativity, inclinations, fashion sense and or political views. Genetically, it comes in many shades ranging from black to white (albinos). It comes in varying lengths and also varying textures and I believe in God's eyes, all hair types are beautiful. None is superior to another. The notion of hair types being superior or inferior is only a fallacy in the human construct of social acceptance.

I believe that as black people, we need to stop using superficial reasons to belittle our brothers and sisters. We need to uplift and love each other by promoting mental consciousness and spiritual consciousness. We need to step away from the frivolities that we use to divide ourselves, especially trivial concepts like our "hair identity". I believe it takes away from the real issues that plague the black race such as the senseless killing of young black boys by our own people, poverty stricken black communities and countries and the lack of wealth within our black communities to change the condition, let alone sustain ourselves as a people. Or even how we disrespect ourselves as a people through the media by promoting destructive music and slanderous behavior that adds to the negative stereotypes of black people.

We need to remind ourselves that we are beautiful not because of what is on our heads but regardless of what is on our heads and that "hair" plays a very small part in the grand scheme of things when it pertains to the discrepancies existing within the black communities. Let's enrich ourselves historically, mentally and financial and not be so focused on physical features and temporary fashion statements.