...Talking To Myself

…Talking To Myself…

I would like to think I can create my own destiny, clear my own path

I would like to think that God gave me a blank slate to write my own journey

I would like to think I can claim it all as my own, my success, and failures even my after math

I would like to think that my life is my very own customized story

But when I factor other elements in the equation, I find myself rethinking it all

Is my destiny pre-written, is my path predictable, is my life a script?

While I marvel at the newness of my experiences, my life really is not unusual

To those that understand the bigger picture of a universe so cryptic

Feelings of Déjà vu, clairvoyant dreams and premonitions give me a glimpse of my future

Well, if it is destined or pre-written, are we really in control?

Can we mold and shape the uniqueness of our lives, if we are so clever?

Or are we simply living out a pre-defined role?

Are we really the author of our lives, are we just fooling ourselves ridiculously?

Is there such a thing as controlling who we are or creating what we later become?

We strive so hard to be success stories, to improve our ways devotedly

But are we pre-destined to fall like the night or rise like the sun?

When I consider the things I didn’t mean to do but happened for a “reason”

Or the hopes and dreams that never came to fruition

Or the wonderful people I have met that was only for a season

Or the things I have accomplished without planning or direction

Or the opportunities snatched away from me and blessings handed to me

Or the sorrows I could not escape and the unimaginable pleasures I've felt

Are we working hard to fulfill what we were destined to be?

Or are we forging ahead, master of our existence of this life we are dealt?

…But I’m just talking to myself…

By Charm White

Bi-cultural Adaptability

Human beings are generally able to adapt to most environment that they find themselves inhabiting. In many cases, when we are in unfamiliar territory, our survival instincts kick in and we find ourselves doing what we need to do in order to survive. We are equipped with natural mechanisms such as the "fight or flight"mechanism which allows us to save ourselves in the case of imminent danger. Some human beings join "packs" in order to have an advantage within society. That is, they will join gangs, cliques or even organizations as a way of protecting themselves, identifying themselves or advancing themselves within society. However, many of us suffice with utilizing the "chameleon effect" in order to slither through society safely and successfully and by that I mean simply adopt some of the characteristics of their environment in order to successfully adapt to their environment.

Some of us have adapted so well to the environment that we become comfortable enough to call that location home, family, "way of life" and may even start feeling a sense of loyalty toward that particular location. In other cases, we adapt so poorly to an environment that we either relocate, become reclusive or rebel against the environment by committing crimes and indulging in other forms of unacceptable behavior. Some of us find ourselves having to re-adapt due to migration and other forms of relocation. Some of us also find ourselves adapting to different locations as we find ourselves calling more than one place home.

For individuals like myself who have migrated from their first home and now call another place/country home, adaptation is integral to their survival. My language had to be readjusted in order for me to be understood. Some of my perceptions had to altered for me to understand and accept some aspects of the culture I was submerged in. In some cases where I was not able to adapt, I opted to become somewhat of a recluse in order to protect myself from perceived danger. Eventually, I opened my heart and mind enough to come out of my shell to connect and formulate indelible ties with others, some of whom became apart of my family.

I have worked very hard to retain aspects of myself and aspects of my Jamaican culture that I believe helps to define me and have been successful in some cases and failed in other cases. I find myself sticking out like a sore thumb in both cultures as I struggle to hold my own in both worlds. For example, As much as I have adjusted my language in order to be understood by my American counterparts, my accent remains distinctively foreign. Yet when I speak to my Jamaican peers, they can tell right away that I have been affected significantly by the American culture. I find myself having to either justify or defend myself to both cultural groups in many cases. However, those that are closest to me understand and accept both my circumstances and unique nature that makes up who I am.

It's not an easy task to conquer two worlds but the dual roads that I have chosen to travel on at different stages of my life sometimes meets at intersections that require me to switch off one part of myself and turn on another in terms of culture.This has forced me to be bi-culturally ready and adaptable. However, there is a flip side to this dilemma. That is, I get to enjoy the best of both worlds, literally. I take pride in being uniquely Jamaican while living in the U.S. In addition, I have also developed a deep sense of loyalty to both cultures. I am also happy that I can share this experience with my children who are half Jamaican and half American and able to claim both cultures

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Starting off with nothing

When I arrived inside the US about five years ago, I had no idea  where my journey would take me nor did I have any concrete plans for my life. I simply used the limited resources I had which was around $250 and my passport with the intention of creating something out of nothing. Many people start off that way, with only a prayer to see them through. However, this sometimes stems from a personal decision to become independent of most, if not, all the comforts and support that you may have been accustomed to all your life, in order to show the world "the stuff" you are made of. Other times, It is stemmed from the desire to leave a barren life behind in the pursuit of a more positive and productive life.

Starting off with little to nothing is never easy. You have to be willing to set yourself a part from the "regular", go against the grain and stare into the face of uncertainty. You also have to be willing to struggle and most importantly, you have to be focused and motivated to succeed. The journey can sometimes take you on a long and winding road, or a short and bumpy ride whereas some of us are lucky enough to bypass all of that and end up taking the short cut to success, however, the latter is often times so rare, one would be better off bracing themselves for the arduous ride that lay ahead of them. 

You can never give up either, even if sometimes, that seems to be the only solution that presents itself. You have to push yourself to find options and solutions to take you over whatever hurdle that is blocking your path. Having faith in God has given many individuals the extra push they need when they find themselves in a deep ditch, especially when there is no other support system around them, but giving up should never be the final option.

With that being said, starting off with nothing can be very daunting, until doors begin to open and opportunities come along. Then the nothing that you had, actually starts to build into something. Out of nothing, you find that your new experiences both good and bad, new connections, new friends and other useful resources are becoming the foundation that you need to launch into your new life. Then once your foundation is built, you start that upward climb to the pinnacle of your life.

I am still traveling on that long and winding road and I have picked up a plethora of life lessons, a few friends and connections that have led me to the path I am on today. I am far from where I want to be, but I am a long way from where I was when I started off with nothing at ground zero. I am still trying to build my legacy and I am proud of the few accomplishments I have achieved thus far.

 In my experience, to start off with nothing is a great and difficult feat but not an impossible one and it can take you to great places, miles away from your comfort zone. It can change you for the better and it can bring you a sense of fulfillment and self awareness. It takes character and it builds character and I laud those who have taken it upon themselves to venture into the unknown for the purpose of self purpose.